Silence is not always golden
by phoenix14
Summary: someone is always watching, it's time to act
1. Silent Thoughts

White crystals floated quietly down to the ground. All around me snow flakes fluttered down into utter silence. The silence was magical, it was amazing how quiet it was, and unusual. It was like a greeting card , or a movie where the cold doesn't bother you and snow falling into your hair and eyelashes is romantic. As I looked up towards the sky snowflakes brushed my face numbing It. I closed my eyes and basked in the moonlight. After a few moments I continued walking down the back alley. Except for the rare moonbeam it was dark. I was running away, away from him. He always watches even though I never see it ,I feel it, his cold gaze always settled on me. Sometimes I even felt it when I slept. I thought , maybe he's lonely its only the of us and not even that most of the time. I tried talking but he never responded, I tried everything, he would just look right through me as If I weren't even there.. I finally gave up, but he kept watching me. Do you know how unnerving it is to be always watched, I tired leaving our cramped apartment but he always went with me whether I asked or not. At these times, I didn't even care I just went where ever my feet took me. Finally I could not take it any more, the silence was too loud. I remember it clearly it was a night just like this. I whirled around when he was following me and asked him why he did it. He said not a word, I told him I knew he watched me when I sleep, you always follow even when I don't want you to and you never say a word ,why. Then I just stared ,waiting for a response. I was upset for no reason except for the simple risk of my sanity. He stood there ,a contrast to the pure snow falling all around him, almost marring the mage but yet somehow completing it dressed in a black bottom and a black jacket , it was magic all over again, you expected him to just fade away, he didn't even meet my gaze. He stared at the ground , finally he spoke , "sorry" that's all he said ,then he turned around and walked away I was so surprised all I could do was stand there before I kept walking. His retreating figure vanished quickly in a whirl of white. that was two weeks ago. He doesn't watch me anymore or walk with me. And know what the strangest thing is , I feel bad, I mean I feel as if I'm the scum of the earth and.. I miss him.. I don't know why. It's time to go back now. * * * when I walk in he's sitting on his bed just staring out the window when I look I see that it gives the perfect view of my coming and going, guess I was wrong huh? He didn't even notice my approach when I just on the bed he doesn't even move. I wait for once I am not going to make the first move. I can wait I've got all night besides I'm used to waiting. * * * he slowly turned after what seemed like ages and just looked at me. "why?" that's all I ask that's all I want to know "I don't think I deserve an answer it's not my right to, I just want to know ,why?" he blinked "I don't know" for once in place of the usual dead expression, fear and confusion whirled in his eyes "I'm sorry" it was the best I could come up with. He blinked in surprise "why?" "because I was callous, I shouldn't have yelled, I don't mind if you walk with me, in fact I wish you would again..I miss you." He blinked again "w-what's it like" I was confused by this question "what do you mean" "what's it like to grow up normal... and to feel?" with this all I could feel was pity 'you call being a gundam pilot normal? my tone was not incredulous, I truly wanted to know "no , I mean before that" I was all I could do from laughing at the irony, a 15 year-old boy being trained to pilot a gundam, what possible way could I be normal. "how can being raised ? possibly be normal!  
  
I case you haven't guessed it writers block! I'm curious to know what characters should I use,( as I wrote this I realized this could really do anyone, but I want to something original and unusual and I also want to know if this is a good start. I'm a horrible writer but at times when you have an idea you just haave to flow with it) that would really help guide the plot, oh and by the way I was reading some of the e-mails and would like to ask how far does the gundam wing magna series continue the only access to gundam wing I had was through the cartoon network and they canceled it, it seems it goes further than I thought P.S. I know the beginning seems choppy but that's how I wanted it to be, it's supposed to be a stream of conscious I am looking for lots-o-reviews and constructive criticism. 


	2. inner musings

I would like to thank people for the critique and also inform you my spirit is not crushed  
  
and I hope to benefit from it. Unfortunately I cannot get spacing or paragraphs to work  
  
they exist in the original but uploading did something. Any help is welcome and now on  
  
with the story.  
  
  
  
I was raised on ideals of death carnage and destruction. There is nothing else, and  
  
there was nothing else until I met him. I do not understand ho w someone could remain  
  
untouched by all this. I mean everyone else was affected in one way or another.  
  
Trowa was the most classic case.extreme guilt, shock, and amnesia. He  
  
seemed emotionless, a true mark of all the horror he had seen. He blamed himself for  
  
everything that happen. He was a true solider he did what was necessary and repented  
  
later. He later Duo, he was the extreme. He was a 15-year-old kid who dressed as Roman  
  
Catholic priest and refused to cut his hair. Not for a fashion statement. But because it was  
  
a reminder. There could be no other explanation. It was a reminder of a time long passed,  
  
something he could never recapture. But he tries that may have explained the clothes as  
  
well. But nothing explained what happen while he as inside his gundam. The yelling,  
  
exuberantly as if it were a video game. And do not use that American explanation on  
  
me. Being American does not explain the need to call himself the god of death. He truly  
  
believed he was.. That has got to be an indication of a serious physiological problem.  
  
Wufei.well where to start. If he had been millennia earlier he would have been  
  
right at home. His opinion of women, his inane sense of justice and his desire for inner  
  
strength. He and his people truly belonged in a time that no longer existed. As strange as it seemed, his principles helped make him the best adjusted of the group. It stoppered the  
  
guilt. It gave him a reason to fight that made everything else meaningless. 'It was the  
  
right thing to do, the enemy deserves to suffer for what they have done'  
  
What was my excuse well I had never been taught better. Most people do not  
  
understand me, and refuse accept my explanation. 'How can you never learn emotion' It  
  
is as natural as blinking. 'How can you not car about yourself' Suicidal, is not the proper  
  
explanation. I am not suicidal, and have no death wish what so ever. I merely place  
  
things in a perspective with no subjective opinion. What must be done, must be  
  
But Quatre.. what can I say? It was like his innocence had been frozen in time.  
  
His belief in the sanctity of human life is ironic and irrational, as he parades around  
  
killing people in his gundam. I thought at first that his innocence was merely a defense  
  
mechanism. Denial, a way for him to cope with what he has done. But he is sincere and  
  
genuine. He cared, I had seen him cry, cry for a death. I had heard him give warnings '  
  
I do not want to hurt you'. How can that be true, he is mercenary, with one of the  
  
strongest weapons known to man. He was an enigma inside a puzzle rapped up in a  
  
riddle. I had never met anyone like him.  
  
His appearance was unnerving, he looked like a Judeo-Christian image of an  
  
angel. Blue eyes, pale skin with blond hair. I could not keep my eyes off of him. He was  
  
the strangest thing I'd ever seen, we were complete opposites. We were foils, our  
  
shared trait was merely his being a gundam pilot.  
  
I began watching him whenever I could. When he slept.it was like nothing I  
  
had seen before. When he was in REM, he smiled and sighed. I did not dream. The  
  
Doctor had been sure of that; no strange images at night took away another aspect of  
  
human randomness. He moved and kicked. I remember one night in particular.  
  
He must have really been dreaming. He kept moving, more than I had ever seen.  
  
He whimpered in his sleep, I had never expected that. He if began to cry out 'I'm  
  
sorry..I didn't mean to..' He continued thrashing. But then he got louder 'No.!' I  
  
carefully gripped his shoulders then I gently shook him. 'No..!' he cried again . I did it  
  
again, this time harder. His eyes flew open mouth wide panting breaths.  
  
"What?" he asked  
  
"You were dreaming" I told him simply and walked out. What else was there to  
  
say I had no explanation for why I was in there. There was no reason for me to be able to  
  
hear him. My room was all the way down the hall and the doors on each bedroom door  
  
was massive. He had left his closed as well.  
  
The next morning at breakfast he said absolutely nothing. Nor did I. 


	3. weak

People always look at me and assume innocence. At first it's amusing then it just gets irritating. There is  
  
only so much I can stand of being told I look 12. This works to my advantage sometimes...well really  
  
most of the time. Not only am I strong for my size...with my training I am stronger then most  
  
individuals. When you go into combat with someone the first thing they do is size you up. When  
  
fighting against a twelve year old boy...most tend not to give their all.there mistake because by the time  
  
they realize I'm not ordinary it's too late.  
  
Sometimes I think the others underestimate me as well. I 'm always the one to nurtured and watched  
  
over. I'm pretty even tempered about it though .I mean coming from a family of 29 older sisters you get  
  
used to the mother-hen act. But that does not mean I am weak.  
  
If I were weak I would not be able to pilot and survive. Just because Sandrock is made of gundanium  
  
alloy does not me it'' invincible. Just figure in the laws of physics any action has an equal and opposite  
  
reaction.  
  
When I am hit with missiles and bullets they may not pierce the armor but I feel the impact. I get most  
  
of my bruises not from fighting but from being jostled about in the cockpit.  
  
Once while piloting Sandrock had been literally thrown to the ground...he recovered, me.well the  
  
harness held me in my seat but the force also managed to dislocate my shoulder. Now when you're in  
  
battle you do not yell time out and go sit on the sidelines. the world does not stop because you want it  
  
to..  
  
I had to go on fighting. When we got back home I stayed in my gundam for about an hour doing systems  
  
checks. This is to make sure there is no damage that just is not visible. We all do this there are very  
  
complicated programs that come together to make a gundam invincible...one error becomes an arcilles  
  
heel. When I got out everyone else had left. I went to my room and was in the process of preparing to  
  
move my shoulder back in place when a knock came at my door  
  
I replaced my shirt and answered it. Heero was stood there, first aid box in hand.  
  
"yes Heero?" he merely side stepped me and my question and entered my room. I figured I would wait for  
  
him to tell me what he wanted. I was not Duo I was not going to keep pestering until I beat it out of him.  
  
"take off your shirt"  
  
"Excuse me?" ok now we all know Heero is not known for his eloquent conversation but you can do a  
  
little better than that.  
  
"your shoulder"  
  
"what about it?"  
  
"you dislocated it"  
  
"and your point would be?" now everyone agrees that I a m usually a very kind, patient person, but not  
  
even God was prepared when Heero was born.  
  
At this last remark Heero opened the case in hand. He took out some pain killers, an ice pack and some  
  
bandages. When he was fully prepared he merely looked at me. I guess that meant I really had no choice.  
  
Sighing I took a set upon my bed. Carefully I lifted my shirt one-handedly over my head. Heero grasped  
  
my arm right above the shoulder and above the elbow joint. Quickly and carefully he moved my arm  
  
out off it's awkward position and back in to the socket. The entire time he watched me, looking me right  
  
in the eyes. Almost daring me to betray some sign of weakness. When that was done he bandaged it to  
  
control swelling. He then took the ice pack and broke the barrier separating the chemicals. He then  
  
handed it to me.  
  
"What's this for, it's a little too late for ice" and it was, ice helps control and prevent swelling .after  
  
finishing up the battle and checking Sandrock out, that little time window had slammed shut.  
  
"your face" At this remark, my hand snaked up and felt all over. I paused when I felt a throbbing pain.  
  
Kind of like a cut does not hurt until you look at it. Half of my face was swollen, I vaguely remembered  
  
hitting it on one of the control panels. The harness was there to save your life. After that no promises.  
  
I placed the pack over it. He then tried to give me the pain killers I refused. He gave me a long hard stare  
  
and that point I began ignoring him. Hey give me a break I'm crabby when I'm in pain. However I don't  
  
like to use medication unless I can't handle it.  
  
Heero walked out at this point closing the door behind him. For a few minutes I lay there then I got up  
  
and walked down the hallway to his room. He was stowing the kit away. I knocked. He looked up and  
  
nodded in acknowledgment.  
  
"Heero.I am sorry I did not mean to be rude or ungrateful...it's just I didn't think that anyone knew and  
  
I disliked your being about to tell I was hurt. And I usually tend to my own wounds."  
  
"I saw the way you climbed out of Sandrock. Together with that fall I witnessed in battle. I figured the  
  
harness must have pulled something out." when I did not respond I guess he figured it best to elaborate.  
  
"I figured you would need help replacing it. Why did you not take the medication, I assume the pain is  
  
great"  
  
"I can handle it"  
  
now you wonder what was the purpose of this story. Here's the reason. Once duo got caught and was  
  
imprisoned. When we found him he had been severely beaten.  
  
Heero walked into the room were he was lying down placed a roll of bandages and some  
  
antiseptic on the foot of the bed and walked out. I helped him dress his wounds when Heero left.  
  
When Duo later could not find the kit, he asked Heero where he had placed the pain relievers. Heero told  
  
him he could not take any because he needed to be alert. Besides being a gundam pilot he should be  
  
used to the pain. WuFei told me this when he returned form some corner store with some medicine for  
  
duo. He said all of this disdainfully then added his own opinion, if the pain was so bad duo wanted  
  
medicine, WuFei rather have him sleepy from meds, than to pass out from pain. Being able to move  
  
without fearing pain was better.  
  
I did not believe that Heero had a sudden change of heart. He believed me weak and unable to cope, and  
  
that pissed me off.  
  
Oi.long chapter.sorry I did not update sooner college junk.I am once again asking for criticism and I am looking for someone to beta. I will beg if necessary. Any one who has an eye for detail and understands grammar and sentence structure better than I do! thanx 


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